Dear Bella
by taliastewart
Summary: My chocolate eyes scanned the note and after three years I still dropped a tear... Short One-Shot. Just felt like writing it :P


_Dear Bella, _

_I can't live like this anymore; I can't watch you be with him any longer. I know that the last time we talked… we'd gotten into a fight about this subject. I know you hold the memory of my pain struck face but I can't bear to see you again. I'm gone, already. By the time your reading this I'll be far, far away. Never to bother you again, I'm not your sun anymore, you don't deserve to call me that. I'm not yours in anyway like you aren't mine. I don't know if I want you to forget everything between us or hold on to it. Though I do know your last memory of me is bad; I figured if I get my torture you get yours too. _

_I'm not going to say have a good life, you're going to be dead in a few short weeks anyway so bye. Goodbye forever because I'm not coming back, I don't want to face the person who killed me. _

_Jacob. _

_

* * *

  
_

My chocolate eyes scanned the note and after three years I still dropped a tear. The note had always been in my back pocket, my bag, somewhere on me to read everyday, once. It was a reminder of the biggest mistake of my life.

The day I'd gotten the note, I was distraught. The zombie had resigned its place in my body, my chest the hole cut deeper than before. That day… I'd tried to run, tried everything I could do to get him to come back but he didn't, I hadn't heard from him in three years. In fact, no one had heard from him; Jacob Black had turned from dawn to dusk; my rising sun to a new moon – vanished completely.

I hadn't heard from the Cullen's again either. The day after I got the note I'd cut things off with Edward and he was somewhat happy with me saying this was what he always wanted; me living a normal human life.

But no, there was nothing normal or sane about my life. I had been a walking full stop. Ending everything I'd been in, ending conversations; ending my life and the cause for all this wasn't the fact that when I'd told Edward no, I'd secretly broken his heart. No, it was the letter in my hands that killed me. I killed him and he killed me.

Forks had always been my sanctuary; it was closed in enough to kick the rest of the world aside to allow me to wallow in self pity. Regularly, I'd think of what Jacob was doing; wonder if he had finally found happiness in this world – I hoped he did, he deserved happiness.

This was the first time I'd been out of Forks for the three years of being a robot. I was looking into a art course- time alone had really gotten me to discover my talent in the arts. Though I'd never been good on my feet, my hands were quite steady when someone handed me a brush everything just came at ease. Chicago was the place I'd decided to search, there were enough people there to distract me of Jacob. Or so I thought.

I'd been here to finally get over Jacob's absence, to pursue in the talent I had finally found. No, that didn't happen did it? Too anyone else it would've looked like I'd happened to have interest in the person my eyes lay on, having gazed at him so long. My eyes had fallen on an exceedingly tall russet toned man. Jacob, Jacob Black was standing I wanted to run to him, to jump in his arms; everything around me had faded away, all the cars and busy people had lost its way out of my mind.

Then it happened.

A beautiful girl took Jacob's hand in hers. She seemed quite tall, taller than me. I could the effect the sun had on her bright hazel green eyes, making them sparkle in happiness. Her skin was faintly tanned, a perfect suit for her average brown hair that flowed down her back. What shocked me most of all; the russet skinned child that latched on to Jacob's free arm, clinging to Jacob's body.

"Jacob."

His head snapped towards mine and he almost lost grip on the child in his arms. Jacob's mouth was open, just as shocked to see me as I was him. I swallowed loudly, trying desperately to hold back the tears that threatened to show how vulnerable I was. When I couldn't take it anymore, I ran. I didn't know where I was going; heck I didn't even know the name of the street my hotel was located on. I didn't intend to stop until I felt two warm arms around me, a hot breath at my ear. "Shh, it's okay Bells." Bells, no one called me that but him.

* * *

Jacob had taken me back to my hotel and there we were. Reunited after so long and I just stared at him from the other side of my bed, separate territories. Every time Jacob had tried to reach for me, to comfort me I'd cringed away. The thought of him touching me sent my body into shivers, I needed his warm touch but I couldn't handle it.

The tears were still running down my face, I didn't know bodies were capable of holding that much water. I didn't dare take my eyes from his and he didn't mine. Jacob just sat there, unmoving and helpless. Helpless because of my selfish needs.

"Be –" He started.  
"Is she the one?" I interrupted, the question I had been dreading. I needed to know if she was his imprint, the other half of him.

Jacob nodded, a half smiling. "Demi's my girl."

Jealousy was never a trait I'd had though it washed over me now, causing me to cry further. "And is that your son?"

He managed to crack a smile, almost shining. "Yeah… His name is Noah and he's one and a half. Other than Demi, he's my everything."

Even though I loved hearing Jacob talk about his son like that, I couldn't help feel remorse on the times _I'd _been his everything. "He's beautiful," Jacob nodded in agreement. "Just like his father." I continued, more impossible tears sliding along my face.

"Please don't cry honey. I don't like it, come here. Shh, its okay." This time when Jacob had pulled me into his arms, I didn't back away. I needed this, I needed his comfort.

As I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest, he comforted me the whole way there. Rubbing my back soothingly, murmuring things such as; 'Its okay Bells,' 'I'm here,' and 'We'll get through this.' That was a lie, I couldn't handle seeing him with her. Now I knew how he felt.

"_Please_ stop crying, I hate it." It only made me cry more, he still cared for me after everything I'd done too him. Then I considered earlier wish and pulled the crinkled note from my back pocket, holding it in my hands.

"You don't," Sob. "Ever want too," Sob harder. "See me again." I managed to get in, hating the fact I couldn't barely breathe due to him.

"No, Bells. I didn't mean that, I was broken Bella; like you were. I was hurt badly because of your choice. I couldn't help it." His lips pursed in thought, his arms cradling around me. "Which brings us back to your humanity. Why are you still human? Not that I'm complaining…"

"I ended things the day after I got the letter." Shoving my face into his chest, unable to handle it if he pushed me away – he didn't. The bawling of tears came more forcefully now, seeping through his shirt. "I realized I'd made the wrong choice, for the past years I've been worse than I was when Edward had left me." I admitted pathetically, trying desperately to control my labored breathing.

"Oh god Bella." Now he was crying, crying into my shoulder. I didn't know how long we sat there, crying out all our pain but finally Jacob had lifted his head to break the silence. "Bella? Would you be Noah's godmother?" A few tears were still falling down his face, showing just how soft he could be. "His godmother? I'd be honored but… why?" There wasn't a single reason I could sum up for his asking of the question. I'd hurt him so much and yet here he was asking me to be apart of his life. "You're my best friend Bella, that's never changed."

I looked up at him with tears still streaming down my cheeks. "Best friends." I repeated in a whimper, because that's all we'd ever be.

**A\N; I don't really know the reason I wrote this, just in my mind for a while I guess. Jacob's imprintee? My best friend; Demi(: **_**Hiya Demi :D**_** Review? It would mean a lot (; Ahh, holiday time now **


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